Worrying on Purpose: Some Surprising Ways to Deal with Anxiety
The English word “worry” has been in use for more than a thousand years. First appearing in Middle English, it conveyed the meaning “to strangle, bite, harass.”1 We still recognize this usage when we talk about a dog worrying a bone.
However, when we talk about worry in the psychological sense, the old meaning is still appropriate. When we worry, our thought process isn’t too different from fido obsessively gnawing on an old bone that long ago lost any meat or even flavor.
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Worrying serves no constructive purpose. As a popular quote about it states, “Worrying is like paying the interest on a debt you don’t owe.” (Erroneously attributed to Mark Twain.) In other words, it’s expending mental and emotional energy on the possible consequences of a problem that are very unlikely to happen.
For example, many travelers worry about being in an airline accident, when statistically, they’re in far greater danger getting to and from the airport.2
Worrying is a natural psychological rut for humans. We find it easy to fall into and hard to get out of.
Jonathan Alpert, a Manhattan-based psychotherapist and author, has helped countless people overcome anxiety and its related challenges. He says that for many people, worrying has become automatic. But like other habits and behaviors, it can be changed.3
One of Alpert’s surprising techniques is to purposely set aside time for worrying.
“Many chronic worriers feel they have no control over it,” he says. “They tell themselves things such as ‘just don’t worry’ or ‘don’t think about it.’” This doesn’t work because telling yourself not to think about something immediately brings it to mind.
Alpert says that in order to get a worry out of your mind, you may need to think about it on purpose.
“Allow yourself 15 minutes a day to let it rip,” he says. “Choose a time when you’re usually most relaxed, but not near bedtime. Let your thoughts gush.”
Allow yourself 15 minutes a day to let it rip
Paradoxically, this exercise will give you control over something you feel you have no control over.
His other suggestions include taking action toward solving the problem and making friends with uncertainty—learn to accept the idea that you simply won’t be able to predict how things in life will turn out.
One area that many people worry about unnecessarily is their investments. Not only is being anxious over retirement unpleasant, but it can cause you to take actions that will hurt you in the long-run.
Talk to a Family Wealth Partner advisor about any investing issues you find yourself worrying about can help you recognize a solution and restore your confidence in the financial plan you’re committed to making successful.
Sources:
1. https://www.dictionary.com/browse/worry
2. https://fortune.com/2017/07/20/are-airplanes-safer-than-cars/
3. https://www.inc.com/jonathan-alpert/6-powerful-ways-to-worry-less-and-live-more.html
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